Twitter Is My Muse
Wednesday, March 04, 2009 13 Comments » 
At least once a week I could write a post about some of the direct messages I get on Twitter. Sorry to say, but they’ve become a great source of amusement for me. Some days I have just a little too much sass built up and need to let go. So I respond to the messages in true blondie style. Sometimes I get a response. Sometimes I get blocked. Most of the time I deserve the block. I’ll probably be in Twitter rehab soon for the feelings of guilt after a block, but I take it one day at a time.
I know what you’re thinking. You don’t even respond to foolish direct messages on Twitter, right? Well, you’re far more mature than I am and a hell of a lot busier. Send me a life, please?
Thank you for following me back. Let me know if I can do anything for you.
I have a couple of loads of laundry to do. What time can you get that done?
Thank you for following. If you’re a newbie on the internet like I am, I’d like to offer you my mentoring services.
Dude, you said you’re a newbie. How are you going to mentor me?
Thank you for following. If you’re a newbie on the internet like I am, I’d like to offer you my mentoring services.
You are going to mentor me in how to repeat myself?
Thanks for the follow. Your tweets seem fairly interesting. I might tweet you back sometime soon.
I’ll be holding my breath. Good to know I’m fairly interesting. That’s quite a compliment.
Hi. Thanks for the follow me back. I’m actually looking for smart people to follow. Do you know any?
Actually, yes. But since you insulted me, get your own darned followers.
Thanks for connecting! We can be FRIENDS on FACEBOOK! MySpace! ANYWHERE!
You’re just too flipping eager, buddy. Slow down.
Grateful for the follow. If you want to see what I really look like, click on my blog link.
I’m frightened.
Thanks for the follow. Looking forward to getting to know you better in 2008!!
Um…am I tired or is it 2009 already? Perhaps we could connect in 2010 when you change your automated message??
…and now……for my Twitter DM of the Week Award……..
Good morning. I would like to recommend you for #followfriday. I am asking you to RT my tweet with your name in it.
But it’s only Wednesday!
I like to plan ahead. Interested? I have a long list of people I will have to turn away.
What is it you’re asking me to do? (thinking but not writing: Do I have to hurry and respond before midnight?)
When you see my tweet recommending you, put an RT in front and send it.
That’s how you cultivate followers?? (thinking but not writing: So,basically you’re using me.)
I don’t see many RT’s in your updates. Do you know what that means??
I re-Tweet things that make me laugh or are important to me. But you can tell me what “that” means. (thinking but not writing: Are you seriously going to analyze the crap out of me here and tell me what I’m doing wrong on Twitter? Kiss my ass.)
It’s OK. It’s not something that will make you laugh. I’m withdrawing my request. Thank you.
What in the name of chocolate was THAT about? Let me get this straight. This person wants to recommend me on #followfriday. Surely not because he thinks I’m flipping fantabulous. This person wants me to re-Tweet the message so it goes out to all of my followers, who I so adore. This in turn will make them think: “Hey, that’s a nice person to recommend blondie! I should follow that person.”
Yet this “nice” person is trying to tell me that there I am a dysfunctional re-Tweeter because I don’t re-Tweet enough. I thought I didn’t have much of a life…this person counts my re-Tweets? Get a hold of yourself there, you with the big ego. I can’t begin to tell you how much this little messaging session made me laugh. YOU are looking for numbers, smart ass. I’m looking to connect with good people. Get over yourself. You might have more followers than I do, but you get them by getting people to blast your name out in re-Tweets? If this is a race, you’ll win.
